Waiting For Godot: Heart To Heart Java Talk
by Forgreatcoffee
Summary: Today marked the day most AA fans have been waiting for – the anime debut of yours truly! What can I say? They even did my voice justice! For sometime now, I've been asked if I'd do a "Q & A". Well, to celebrate finally being on-screen, here I am, java mug in hand, to answer your questions! As a bonus, unlike in the classic story, I'M actually going to show up!
1. Submission Guidelines

_**Waiting For Godot: Heart To Heart Java Talk**_

 **Let's set some "ground" rules ...(you know what I just said!)**

1\. This is very similar to the **askaceattorney blog** – questions must be asked to Godot/Diego Armando, in character, and will responded to accordingly.

2\. All messages must be in a letter format. No role-playing: Imagine you are writing a letter on paper. Role-playing messages will be deleted.

3\. Do not repeatedly ask the same question. I reserve the right to not answer any questions that I think are inappropriate.

4\. If you message me via PM – I will respond to your question publicly, but will not use your name if you specifically ask me not to.

5\. You can ask any question, related to any game/story line/character and are not just limited to T & T. I may not have been there, but I _guarantee_ I have an opinion!


	2. Chapter One: The Arrival

_A/N: I gave my word I would show up, and here I am, no more waiting for Godot. I've got a freshly brewed pot, and my ready answers in hand, just in time for my first face-to-face meeting with Trite in the anime today._

* * *

 **Chapter One:** **The Arrival**

 **a1tam0nt submitted:**

 _What is your opinion on dark chocolate? Just as bitter as coffee/your soul, or more effort required?_

 _ **Dear a1tam0nt,**_

 ** _I only eat chocolate that's at least 99% - therefore it's as dark as my soul. It's like coffee. It must be pure – or as close to it as possible. Sometimes, if I can find it, I go for the 100% variety as well. A better question would have been what I think of milk chocolate? To which the response would have been: that atrocity is not chocolate. It is hardened milk … it disgusts me._**

 _ **Mr. Coffee**_

* * *

 **JordanPhoenix submitted:**

 _Estimado Señor Java,  
What are your thoughts about certain fans who don't acknowledge that you and Mia were actually a (canon) couple prior to her untimely passing, and think that your ardor was entirely one-sided on your part?_

 _ **Dear JP,  
**_

 _ **I think what you're really asking is what can I say about people who are completely delusional. I think they're choosing to ignore what's right in front of their eyes, and are living in their own fantasy world. So be it. My arch red-headed nemesis and my former employer were openly aware of my relationship with Mia, as is everyone on lives on planet earth.**_

 ** _As for that word that keeps getting used, I think the better use of "cannon" is to fire them out of it, (away from all the people who know my kitten and I were the sexiest couple in all of Japalifonia) because as you know, mi amiga: bitches love cannons._**

 _ **Mr. Coffee**_

* * *

 **Muhammad S submitted:**

 _Here's a question. How have you not died of caffeine overdose? Is it some kind of family secret, like how Maya can eat so much and be as lean as she is?  
_

 _ **Dear Muhammad S,**_

 _ **As you know, I drink 17 regular-sized cups per trial. That is roughly 100 mg of caffeine per cup which equals about 1700 mg. It would take roughly 120 cups of coffee to put any regular into mortal danger. Keeping in mind of course, that I am the first person to have ever survived the demon's specially brewed poison, and crawled back from the depths of hell, I like to think I am no mere mortal. The bigger mysteries are: where do I put it all and where does my own "magic pot of porridge" come from? For now, let's chalk it up under the umbrella of "family secrets" that includes how my almost sister-in-law isn't the size of a house, despite having an obsession for burgers which rivals my own for java.**_

 _ **Mr. Coffee**_

* * *

 **IPreferTea submitted:**

 _Which VA would you want to see playing you in the English dub version of the AA anime?_

 _ **Dear IPreferTea,**_

 _ **I think we all know that there is only one man alive who could encapsulate the trademarked suave I pride myself on and do my voice justice. However, I think it's highly unlikely they could afford Antonio Banderas.**_

 _ **Mr. Coffee**_

 _ **P.S.**_

 ** _Your name is blasphemy._**

* * *

 **JusticeforNoOne submitted:**

 _Buenas noches, Sr Armando:_

 _2 questions come to my mind right now and since you are the philosopher here_

 _1) What piece of advice would give to the rest of the main cast of attorneys and prosecutors of the series regarding awesomeness, working on both sides of the courtroom and being the living proof of how love surpasses death?_

 _2) We know which one was your favorite coffee ever, but what about the worst ones you had to drink?_

 _Saludos cordiales,  
Justicefornoone_

 _ **Hola JusticeforNoOne,**_

 _ **First of all, here are my words for the defense attorneys and prosecutors that could benefit from my wisdom (a twist on the late, great, Winston Churchill):**_

 **"Even if you're going through hell, keep going. No matter what gets in your way – a demon poisoning you, ending up in coma, nearly going blind, and then finding out your beloved is dead – you do not stop. Ever. Your goals may change, but that doesn't matter, any more than it matters how slow your progress is… as long as you DO NOT STOP FIGHTING."**

 _ **Of course, being extradited from hell is a tedious affair. Even**_ _I_ _ **didn't wake up in a single day, after all.**_

 _ **Second of all … as we are in the height of autumn season, where everything from soap to bacon is the flavor of Cucurbita pepo, ad nauseam, your question is very well-timed. Years ago, on my jaunt through the Americas, searching for my perfect brew, I stopped in a one horse town at the only coffee shop available. Turns out the only thing they had was that blasphemous orange vegetable. That's right – pumpkin spice. I took one sip and threw it right out the window. How dare they sully the pure perfection of my beloved brew in such a manner!**_

 _ **That was the longest time in my existence that I went without my ever-present cup of Joe.**_

 _ **Longest 30 minutes of my life.**_

 ** _Buenas noches,  
_** _ **Mr. Coffee**_

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you all for your questions. I hope you found the answers you were seeking.. I look forward to chatting with you over my next pot._


	3. A Tale Of Two Beans

_A/N: There were a couple of questions this round relating to my favorite – and only – girl in the world. Thank you for your fantastic queries everyone, as they also helped inspire the title of this week's Q & A. Now if I may present to you:_

* * *

 **Chapter Two:** **A Tale of Two Beans  
**

 **Jove's Boy submitted:**

 _Greetings, Mr. Armando!  
Your lady's friends and family have been known for endlessly debating if a certain object should be referred to as a ladder or a stepladder. What sides of the argument do you and Mia take?_

 **Dear Jove's Boy,**

 **Ladder or step-ladder? I could simply dismiss both as mere elevating devices, but before I answer, riddle me this: What's in a name? That which we call coffee, by any other name, would taste as divinely bitter, would it not?**

 **But I digress.**

 **My dear kitten and I could never see eye-to-eye on this matter, possibly because I towered over her by quite a few inches, unless she climbed up onto the apparatus she insisted on calling a** _ **step-ladder**_ **. Only then could she argue her preferential terms about the object directly to my face.**

 **Of course, being that close to those beautiful lips, our debates tended to get even hotter than the steamiest of carafes, and we'd cease all conversation entirely!**

 **In conclusion: a ladder can be a stepladder, but a stepladder can't be a ladder. Therefore, I'm on** _ **Team Ladder**_ **, and I decree this as the final definitive answer to this endless proverbial dispute.**

 **You can trust me on this one. I minored in ladder science.**

 **Mr. Coffee**

* * *

 **JordanPhoenix submitted:**

 _Señor Java,_

 _In another lifetime as Diego Armando, did you ever cross paths with Maya or Pearl? Did either ever know you when you were dating Mia?_

 **Dear JP,**

 **I never had the pleasure of meeting the youngest member of the Fey clan, who was forever whisked away from the rest of the world behind the broom of her wretched mother. Also, the dear child would have only been a toddler at time, so it's unlikely she would have remembered me anyway.**

 **As for my almost sister-in-law, I did meet her on many occasions during my glorious days with my kitten. We tried to pass ourselves off as mere colleagues at first, but even as a young adolescent, the ever-intuitive girl still deduced that her Sis and I were** _ **"Special Someones"**_ **and was our primary shipper, often to Mia's slight embarrassment.**

 **Incidentally, Broom Hilda's daughter gained her starry-eyed fangirling over her cousin and Trite from none other than Maya herself. After all, how else did anyone think little Pearl got that term? Seeing those two blush and splutter in pointless denial is as satisfying as a cup of my favorite brew.  
**

 **Mr. Coffee**

* * *

 **TheFreelancerSeal submitted:**

 _Couple questions, if you don't mind Mr. Armando._

 _As a coffee addict myself, what's your favorite coffee mug? I've collected a few different mugs as souvenirs whenever I get the chance to travel, and a couple have been my favorites. I was just curious if you had a mug that was pretty special to you._

 _Also, as you've worked with the prosecutor's office for a good while, what are your opinions on the Payne brothers? Why haven't they been fired yet? Gaspen's relocation overseas doesn't count._

 **Dear TheFreelancerSeal,**

 **As you have undoubtedly seen, I keep a very large selection of cheap, plain white coffee cups in the courtroom. I buy them in bulk from the same manufacturer that mass produces those easily smashable plates you see at Greek weddings.**

 **It took an extreme amount of discipline and self-control not to shout "** _ **OPA**_ **!" Every time I hurled my cup and ended up making Trite wear my favorite blend du jour.**

 **My most cherished coffee mug, which is tucked safely away on my mantle, is a red enameled one which reads: "World's Greatest Attorney." The bottom is personally engraved with** _ **"Good Till The Last Drop, Love Mia."**_

 **Regarding the Paynes…**

 **Once cannot be fired simply because they have a voice that makes nails on a blackboard sound like music to ears in comparison.**

 **Self-proclaimed Rookie** **Humiliator** **, Gaspen, was fired by Edgeworth after the shenanigans he pulled when Trite regained his badge, hence him fleeing to Asia in disgrace. I don't think we'll see the likes of him again though…a little birdy told me Khura'in didn't take too kindly to the bumbling buffoon who caused the whole chain of events that allowed Trite and Justice to take down the Spider Queen.**

 **As for Winston, who has since retired, what to say about the man my kitten caused to lose his hair?**

 **For starters, the Rookie Killer, unlike his pathetic, petty, good for nothing younger sibling, at least** _ **earned**_ **his title. He was a veteran DA who was a lawyer longer than I've been alive, and boasted a 7-year winning streak when he first came into office, which is saying something. And while he lacks presence, at least he didn't rely on any gimmicks or falsifying of evidence, making him the truly most honest prosecutor I'd ever met.**

 **About the Prosecutor's Office as whole... I have no idea how to comment on who they allow as a whole, ultimately.**

 **I heard they also once hired a mysterious blind guy with no verifiable identity as well…**

 **Mr. Coffee**

* * *

 **Muhammad S submitted:**

 _Interesting answer. Here's another one, what are your thoughts on Phoenix taking upon his understudies? Do you think that they do not meet Phoenix's good name, or not?_

 **Dear Muhammad S,**

 **No man, even those who claw their way back from the depths of hell, is immortal – even if in the case of the blue attorney, who has mysteriously defied death more than a cat with 9 lives. Ergo, one should always be taking on someone to carry on their legacy. I will always appreciate how my legendary kitten continues to live on through that man. All of Mia's teachings, inherited by Trite, as well as her philosophies, are immortalized, as they have been passed onto Justice and Cykes.**

 **I only hope they carry on the tradition.**

 **As for** _ **who**_ **Trite takes on as his underlings, all I can say is that he's finally completed his own the Legal version of** _ **Superfriends**_ **!**

 **Apollo has come a long way from his debut, and now that he has his own law office, has finally come into his own – because he had one hell of a mentor. I raise my cup to the kid and to Trite.**

 **As for Athena... with her unique skill-set, she definitely shows potential for true greatness someday. However, the jury is still out on that one. But she's still young, and only time will tell.**

 **Mr. Coffee**


	4. Chapter Three: The Brewing

_A/N: So it's ask about the origins of my java obsession… and then a carafe worth of inquiries on The Prosecutor's Office as the theme this week. I hope you find my answers to be stimulating as my favorite drink of choice._

* * *

 **Chapter Three:** **The Brewing**

 **Muhammad S submitted:**

 _Interesting. Can you tell us the tale of how you fell in love with coffee? I'm very curious to see what you have on that._

 **Dear Muhammad S,**

 **Well, it started in a similar manner to many of my fellow lawyer colleagues back in their days as sleep deprived law students, as simply a way to stay awake through countless hours of tedious textbooks and studying until ungodly hours.**

 **My ever-present cup became my official trademark crutch when I started working for Mr. Hemorrhoid - who you may also know as Marvin Grossberg. The cup came in very handy to mask my yawns and occasional derisive snorts at his mind-numbing stories reminiscing about the lemon fresh days of his youth, and the bittersweet brew helped keep my brain from fizzling whenever he would ramble on about the disturbing state of his** _ **gran culo gordo**_ **.**

 **Amusingly enough, at one point,** _ **certain**_ **people in Japan at one point thought it would be more fitting if I were smoking cigarettes and downing whiskey instead of a cup of Joe. However, I threw hot water on those plans, as my kitten would never be able to stomach a smoker. She claimed coffee breath was bad enough to contend with – but there was no way Mia would tolerate kissing a smoker, because she claimed it would be like licking a dirty ashtray!**

 **I believe that I chose wisely, don't you?**

 **In short** _ **: "Coffee is the common man's gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility."**_

 **Mr. Coffee**

* * *

 **Jove's Boy submitted:**

 _Dear Senor Armando,_

 _What are your thoughts on individuals like Manfred von Karma, Kristoph Gavin, Aristotle Means, and others who contributed to the so-called dark age of the law?_

 **Dear Jove's Boy,**

 **The (Actual) Forging Dracula:**

 **Here's a pompous windbag of a man that was so enamored with his own "perfect reputation", that it resulted in his South American sized ego to become so grossly inflated to the brink of insanity, causing him to actually commit outright**

 _ **murder**_ **against the one man who dared slight him! Yes I did say** _ **outright**_ **because let's face it, God only knows how many people, some, if not most, who were innocent, he wrongfully convicted and put on death row.**

 **But I digress.**

 **What I find most amusing about the so-called "God of prosecution" was that his neurosis with perfection was still outshined by his inexplicable need to finish** _ **everything**_ **"in three minutes." It makes me think that perhaps this wasn't just limited to courtroom trials and with such being the case I do pity the poor woman that was his wife and the Wild Mare's mother!**

 **Philosopher Stone**

 **Whoever said the Defense Attorneys were good guys? What we have here is a creepier version of the aforementioned blood-sucker from the other side of the courtroom, who bore a smile that nightmares are made of.**

 **Means saw The "Dark Age of the Law" as a "beautiful boon" to the legal profession, since it meant that his philosophy,** _ **"the ends justify the Means"**_ **had become a matter of routine, and that the top priority for lawyers should be winning trials by any means necessary.**

 **How… unoriginal.**

 **The statuette man clearly didn't practice what he preached, as he wasn't above giving better grades when students greased his already filthy palms. Yet to my great amusement, the statuette man fell to pieces in the most undignified manner when finally being taken to task for being low-life, dirty murderer.**

 **I couldn't hold back my guffaws how when proven guilty of his crimes, Means still couldn't be dignified enough to accept his fate like a man. Instead, he turned into a groveling, sniveling shell of his former self, pathetically trying to barter with the court for more lenient alternatives to admitting his guilt, such as bathroom detail, retaking the bar exam, a 30% salary cut, and dismissal.**

 **What he really deserved was lifetime of pigeon droppings as part of his sentence.**

 **The Self-Proclaimed "Coolest Defense In The West"**

 **The Periwinkle Pisshead is the reason I'm developing a phobia of (Creepy) German sausage – I fear the Wurst.**

 **Yes, when not having the most epic witness stand breakdown in the whole series, Gavin is surely as cool as iced coffee… and just as lame.**

 **His was truly the worst motive I've ever seen in my life for his hand in kicking off the Dark Age of the Law. How much more money and fame was really lost when he got fired for not playing his cards right? He obviously was wealthy enough to have a disposable $100K to pay out of pocket for a forgery.**

 **This is what happens to man whose parents never taught him the meaning of the word "** _ **nein**_ **." I'm guessing he also grew up getting "participation trophies" his entire life. That would explain…so much.**

 **It has never escaped my attention that The Bird Man never would've ended up on death row for a crime he never committed if this ridiculously petty, sad excuse of a man hadn't gotten Trite disbarred. The prissy nail polish enthusiast was undoubtedly the lowest snake in the grass of all, since he tried to kill a clearly autistic young girl who didn't know any better, after she had already done a paid service for him, just to cover his sorry behind.**

 **I will give Gavin credit for one thing and one thing only… His only redeeming service to humanity was getting rid of Zak Gramarye. That lowlife never deserved a precious girl like Trucy, and considering his sole motive to come back in town was to try to screw over the man who had been nobly raising his daughter all these years, messing up his perfect poker win streak. He didn't give a damn that doing so would be leaving both Trite and his child more destitute than they already were, plus he was clearly an abusive loser, to those smaller and weaker, including women, so good riddance. I doubt anybody missed him.**

 **I need to believe Gavin has since been killed in prison while a "Means equivalent" guard just happened to be looking the other way, and has since joined Dahlia down under (and I don't mean Australia) in the eternal barefoot dance over hot coals. I hope his pampered, pedicured feet really feel the burn, and that her bloodcurdling screams are deafening music to his ears.**

 **Mr. Coffee**

 **P.S.**

 **Thanks for the nicknames, JP.**

* * *

 **JordanPhoenix submitted:**

 _Señor Java,  
As a follow-up question to JB's ... what are your thoughts of each prosecutor's gimmicks?_

 **Dear JP,**

 **I'll try to make this quick and dirty, and i** **n order of appearance:**

 **Winston Payne – Having a voice that is the equivalence of nails on a blackboard is not a gimmick – it is a teeth-grinding assault to the ears, Rookie Killer. That is all.**

 **Miles Edgeworth – Using basic logic and being a sharp dresser is not a gimmick. I will however, give the Demon Prosecutor partial points for being a chess master. I would love to see who would win in a match against Professor Layton.**

 **Manfred von Karma – Bullying the judge/intimidating the defense and finger snapping is called being an irksome** _ **cabrón**_ **.**

 **Franziska von Karma – Finally, a real, albeit kinky, gimmick. If you are bullying people with a piece of leather a gimmick – the apple didn't fall far from the tree. The Wild Mare obviously never learned that using your words can also have great impact. Needs a thesaurus. On a plus side – assuming that whip is used outside the courtroom, she could make some great side money for those who are "into that sort of thing."**

 **Yours Truly – Coffee is not a gimmick. It is a way of life.**

 **Klavier Gavin – Playing with air-guitar and flirting with everything possessing two legs and a heartbeat it not a gimmick. It simply slows down the court and is as nerve-grinding as your phony German accent/phrases, since we all know you're American, and an overly blingy Europhile fop at best.**

 **Gaspen Payne – second verse same as the first, Rookie Humilator. The Lamest of the Lame.**

 **Simon Blackquill – An actual gimmick. Multiples, even. Use of psychology to be a total mine cluster f*ck against opposition is actually quite impressive, although is somewhat cancelled out by the fact that he speaks like an old Victorian man which clashes greatly with being the world's biggest** _ **otaku**_ **with a Twisted Samurai persona. Hawks are not easy to train, so kudos for that, and somehow being allowed to keep a dangerous bird of prey in prison. I do prefer when Taka is used for good and not evil on the attack front, but I do think the use of tossing a** _ **shuriken**_ **in court is overkill – and great way to land back behind bars if his aim is ever off.**

 **About that bird though… I wonder if he could be trained to make coffee.**

 **Nayuta Sadmadhi – Ah, Sad Monk. When I first saw this person was,** _ **"I wonder how she keeps that ribbon afloat."**_ **Then I thought – butterflies? Again? Now, where have I seen** _ **those**_ **before? Primary gimmick – throwing beads at people. I don't even want to know where those have been – or how they kept materializing after Simon cut them to shreds. Dare I even ask what hole he's pulling them out it?**

 **Secondary gimmick – being an unrepentant** _ **carajo**_ **under guise of being a pious monk. Aren't they supposed to be a peaceful sort? Also, he needs a thesaurus like I need my coffee.**

 **I would have been fine with the passive aggressive nasty behavior to everyone that isn't Ema if he's actually done anything to redeem himself in any way, or had a legitimate reason for overkilling the Disney ice queen's catchphrase to the point of wanting to shove him into a putrid hellfire.**

 **Alas, neither happened. So see diagnosis for Man Elsa above: total unrepentant** _ **carajo.**_

 **Mr. Coffee**

* * *

 **JusticeforNoOne submitted:**

 _Dear Mr Ace Prosecutor,_

 _Thanks for your wise answers and letting the public know your worst experiences.  
I have more questions if you don't mind:  
1Disregarding the fact that Miles Edgeworth is more of a Tea connoisseur rather than enjoying el buen y amargo café, what do you think about him?  
2In the possible, yet remote future where Trite goes after a good woman and he asks for advice from you, what might be more probable? Giving some good, or throwing him a mug right in the middle of the face, or maybe both?_

 _JusticeForNoOne_

 **Dear JusticeforNoOne,**

 **1\. Miles Edgeworth - excellent prosecutor, worthy of Chief Prosecutor title. Doesn't try to mess around with fake gimmicks, is legitimately interested only in the pursuit of the truth. Also keeps Trite on his toes and still makes him sweat after all these years in the courtroom, which is always** **marvelous** **to witness. If we had less headcases and more honest prosecutors like Edgeworth in office, The Dark Age of the Law could've probably been avoided entirely.**

 **That man is also the reason I served a relatively short prison sentence, under the request of Trite and Maya, and was able to spend many glorious years touring the Americas in search of the perfect coffee blend thereafter.**

 **As for his aberrant taste in hot beverages, I will to quote a certain putrid prosecutor, let it go and move on as it's par for course. The man** _ **is**_ **actually British-** _ **ish.**_

 **2\. If Trite came to me for love advice – I** _ **suppose**_ **at this point I would finally address him as** _ **Phoenix**_ **– I would prepare myself with a fresh cup of coffee, and then ask him just one question:**

" **Is the woman you speak of my almost sister-in-law, Maya?"**

 **Depending on his answer, he would get a reminder of what it feels like to have a hot mug to the face – at much closer proximity this time.**

 **Alternately, the response would be to simply tell him that he's not getting any younger and it's high time to put a ring on it.**

 **Mr. Coffee**


	5. Chapter Four: The Pouring

_A/N: Happy New Year to all my readers. Sorry for the long delay, as I spent my holidays in vain search for the perfect brew that **wasn't** tainted by seasonal peppermint or crème brûlée …it was my pumpkin spice nightmare from fall, all over again…_

* * *

 **Chapter Four: The Pouring**

 **Muhammad Sban submitted:**

 _Greetings, Sir Coffee! When Mia was channeled in "The Stolen Turnabout", what were you thinking about? Also, another question, what do you say to the fact that I prefer tea?_

 _Cheers,_

 _Muhammad S._

 **Dear Muhammad S,**

 **When I saw my kitten being channeled by Maya during The Stolen Turnabout, I thought my advisor was shorting out, and to be completely honest with you, that I was delirious yet again. It wasn't until much later that I realized that it was actually the love of my life. After the final events of Trials and Tribulations, Maya was actually kind enough to visit me in prison and channel Mia, so we could have one final farewell.**

 **It was the second time my visor short circuited.**

 **As for the fact that you enjoy tea … I will try not to judge you based on only that.**

 **Mr. Coffee**

* * *

 **Jove's Boy submitted:**

 _Hey, Mr. Godot! This question is in honor of the great Marvel comic creator, the late Stan Lee. Who were some of your favorite superheroes, and how, if at all, did they shape you into the java-loving hero you are today?_

 **Dear Jove's Boy,**

 **Favorite Marvel character? Well, the most obvious is everybody/nobody's hero who also came back from the depths of hell, Deadpool. I'm pretty sure I saw him once down a whole pot of boiling hot coffee without even pausing. And don't forget that Cyclops in the X-Men was based on _my_ visor. I don't care what happened in the timeline. Something, something Multiverse Theory. I think I once had a Marvel coffee cup that might be the limit of how much they shaped me. While I do share the same razor sharp wit and twisted sense of humor as my fellow anti-hero, I assure you that is entirely coincidental. **

**Mr. Coffee**

* * *

 ** _JordanPhoenix submitted:_**

 _Señor Java...what are your thoughts Jean Armstrong, who made his debut last weekend in the anime? Did he ever try to shamelessly hit on you like he did with Phoenix?_

 **Dear JP,**

 **Where should I begin with Jean Armstrong? Answer your question. Yes. As you saw in the anime, the jiggling cream puff did indeed made it nauseatingly evident that he found me aesthetically pleasing, much to my great disdain.**

 **He also hit on the poor judge. _And_ the bailiff. _And_ the other bailiff. _And_ Gumshoe. _And_ Mike Meekins. _And_ every single other thing with two legs and anything with a Y chromosome.**

 **His Honor and I had a private discussion to decide if we could charge him with anything and get him put away for a very, _very_ long time. It turns out wiggling suggestively, even _ad nauseam,_ is ****only a crime to others' senses, but not a convictable one. So unfortunately, we couldn't put them away for anything other than being an accessory to Furio's crimes.**

 **However, I _am_ still looking into whether or not we can possibly get him up on charges of destroying my visor by proxy, since I poured hot coffee onto in attempts to blind myself during a particularly unsettling twerking episode.**

 **Desperate times called for desperate measures.**

 **Mr. Coffee**


End file.
